Subject: A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
> By Shannon Popkin
My little guy, Cade, is quite a
> talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He
> talks to people constantly, whether we are in the library,
> the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often
> comment on how clearly he speaks for a
> just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to
> turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There
> have been several embarrassing times that I've wished
> the meaning of his words would have been masked by a
> not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than
> last week at Costco. Halfway, through our shopping trip,
> nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If
> you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that
> evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the
> second to the last stall: ''Mommy, are you gonna
> go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the
> potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper
> now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go
> stinkies on the potty?'' At this point I started
> mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom
> when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe
> we could wait until they all left before I had to make my
> debut out of this stall and reveal my identity. Cade
> continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies
> aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna
> get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see
> doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see
> In dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy.
> You are gonna get some candy!'' I heard a few
> faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me.
> Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief.
> This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely
> waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I
> said, ''Why don't you look in Mommy's purse
> and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have
> some!'' ''No, I'm trying to see doze
> more stinkiesŠOh! Mommy!'' He started to gag at
> this point. ''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna
> frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat
> is so gross!!'' As the gags became louder, so did
> the chuckles outside my stall.. I quickly flushed the toilet
> in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with
> myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four
> flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who
> overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.
> ''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want
> you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!''
> He grunted as he tried to pull me off Now I could hear
> full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside
> my door. ''Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy?
> You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy?
> You wooking at the wady's feet?'' More
> laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess
> the situation. ''Mommy, it's time to wash our
> hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.'' He
> started pounding on the door. ''Mommy, don't
> you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!''
> I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I
> sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my
> stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all
> smiling and starting to applaud. My first thought was
> complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's the fine
> print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed
> away every bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little
> boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap
> between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it
> all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little
> fellow. (Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother
> of three She lives with her family in Grand Rapids ,
> Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms) You
> must pass this on to all the mothers who have had
> embarrassing moments with their children. Isn't it
> great to be a parent!!!
